This morning I woke up at 5:30 in incredible pain My tongue was on fire, or at least that's what it felt like. A few days ago I burned it on coffee, and on top of that I got a head cold. Now the burned parts don't feel like a burn, but like there's no skin separating the nerves from the outside. Pain.
At least this happened over winter break, should this have happened over school, it would have been more painful and I think a lot more embarrassing. Because I really can't talk that well. And what's possibly worse is I really can't eat either. At least eat anything that's good for me. Today I had milk, hot cereal, milk, and spaghetti to eat today, and cookies that were sent express delivery from Japan. (Love, the moment I can talk I'm sending you the biggest "thank you" I can muster, you're the best.) Those cookies were the best fucking cookies you could ever hope to taste in your life. They were shortbread cookies, with various fillings, peanut, chocolate, and lemon. So consequently, there was an internal conflict of whether it was better to avoid the pain and the cookies, or to go for it and suffer with
Naturally I went for it, and I'm glad I did, though perhaps my tongue isn't. But I would do it all over again. Oh how I would do it again. Why can't America make confectioneries like the rest of the world?
Been working on an art project recently, and I had to go and buy some glue today, which cost me a little over twenty dollars. All I wanted was glue but I ended up buying blank cards and varnish too, every time I go to an art supplies store that happens to me. At least I can make beautiful things with it, and then make people happy. That's what it's all for in the end anyway. How lucky I am, to have a talent that can make other people happy.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Pokemon Trainer
You were in my dream last night. We were at some sort of school for becoming Pokémon trainers. As for the school itself, all I remember was that it looked a lot like my middle school. Except there was a train inside so didn’t take so long to get from one end of the hall to the other. But the train was more like an elevator, except it moved to the side instead of going up and down.
You had an Espeon, I think, and I remember being jealous because I didn’t have a Pokémon, but your Espeon was nice and you let me scratch his ears. We rode the elevator-train thing together, and I noticed you were wearing really weird hat. We were then taking some sort of written test, and I thought it was really hard and I was wondering why we had to be tested on this kind of stuff...
Sometime later I think I went outside and I was talking to you about how badly I think I failed, but it was really beautiful out. We were in the suburbs, night was falling and the sky was a pretty sort of orange. There was an art fair or something going on, and a lot of people were putting their art on their front lawns. There were beautiful white sculptures made out of soap, and glass art that would sparkle blue in the setting sun. Somewhere else a zip line showed up, but I can’t remember its relation to the rest of the story.
You had an Espeon, I think, and I remember being jealous because I didn’t have a Pokémon, but your Espeon was nice and you let me scratch his ears. We rode the elevator-train thing together, and I noticed you were wearing really weird hat. We were then taking some sort of written test, and I thought it was really hard and I was wondering why we had to be tested on this kind of stuff...
Sometime later I think I went outside and I was talking to you about how badly I think I failed, but it was really beautiful out. We were in the suburbs, night was falling and the sky was a pretty sort of orange. There was an art fair or something going on, and a lot of people were putting their art on their front lawns. There were beautiful white sculptures made out of soap, and glass art that would sparkle blue in the setting sun. Somewhere else a zip line showed up, but I can’t remember its relation to the rest of the story.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Dead Horse
Christmas is over, thankfully, and now I only have one more holiday to go until this "Holiday Season is finally done and over with. Of course that would be New Years. Normally, I end up tagging along with my brother to some party that he's been invited to. Last year I actually got invited to a party myself, and while that ended up being a lot of fun, I don't think that I've done enough to keep in touch with people for that sort of thing to happen again. There's still hope though for something last minute. We'll see.
Just a second ago I caught myself checking Facebook for the 20th time today, expecting something new. But the thing is, i never write on people's walls, so I don't know why I would expect a reply to come out of nowhere. From here on out I have to make more of an effort to connect with people, instead of expecting them to come to me, it's a bad habit of mine, but it's an easy one to fall into.
This year's Christmas was one of the worst I've ever had, and I don't say that to be moody or depressing, but it truly was. With my Dad, my grandparents, and my brother, we walked through the motions of what we've done for Christmas for most of my childhood, trying with all our effort to make it work. But it's useless; we're beating a dead horse. Things aren't the same, and they never will be.
Why we work so hard to try and return to the past is beyond me. There will never again be a Christmas like the one I grew up with, and to be honest, while the Christmas Past of my childhood was good, it's time for all of us to move on. Things are different now. Mom and Dad have gotten a divorce, I have a boyfriend, and I'm more independent than I've ever been before.
When we were "doing" Christmas, I couldn't help but think that I am so glad I'm going to be in Japan at this time next year. While I know that it's not good for me, I want to run away far from here. Far from this empty hole of a town. And I think it would be good for both of my parents to do the same.
My rant is done for tonight. One of my goals for the upcoming year is to update my blog more frequently, and this time, about happy things too, I promise. After all, there's more to a "wedding" than drama alone.
Just a second ago I caught myself checking Facebook for the 20th time today, expecting something new. But the thing is, i never write on people's walls, so I don't know why I would expect a reply to come out of nowhere. From here on out I have to make more of an effort to connect with people, instead of expecting them to come to me, it's a bad habit of mine, but it's an easy one to fall into.
This year's Christmas was one of the worst I've ever had, and I don't say that to be moody or depressing, but it truly was. With my Dad, my grandparents, and my brother, we walked through the motions of what we've done for Christmas for most of my childhood, trying with all our effort to make it work. But it's useless; we're beating a dead horse. Things aren't the same, and they never will be.
Why we work so hard to try and return to the past is beyond me. There will never again be a Christmas like the one I grew up with, and to be honest, while the Christmas Past of my childhood was good, it's time for all of us to move on. Things are different now. Mom and Dad have gotten a divorce, I have a boyfriend, and I'm more independent than I've ever been before.
When we were "doing" Christmas, I couldn't help but think that I am so glad I'm going to be in Japan at this time next year. While I know that it's not good for me, I want to run away far from here. Far from this empty hole of a town. And I think it would be good for both of my parents to do the same.
My rant is done for tonight. One of my goals for the upcoming year is to update my blog more frequently, and this time, about happy things too, I promise. After all, there's more to a "wedding" than drama alone.
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