Dead Horse

Christmas is over, thankfully, and now I only have one more holiday to go until this "Holiday Season is finally done and over with. Of course that would be New Years. Normally, I end up tagging along with my brother to some party that he's been invited to. Last year I actually got invited to a party myself, and while that ended up being a lot of fun, I don't think that I've done enough to keep in touch with people for that sort of thing to happen again. There's still hope though for something last minute. We'll see.

Just a second ago I caught myself checking Facebook for the 20th time today, expecting something new. But the thing is, i never write on people's walls, so I don't know why I would expect a reply to come out of nowhere. From here on out I have to make more of an effort to connect with people, instead of expecting them to come to me, it's a bad habit of mine, but it's an easy one to fall into.

This year's Christmas was one of the worst I've ever had, and I don't say that to be moody or depressing, but it truly was. With my Dad, my grandparents, and my brother, we walked through the motions of what we've done for Christmas for most of my childhood, trying with all our effort to make it work. But it's useless; we're beating a dead horse. Things aren't the same, and they never will be.

Why we work so hard to try and return to the past is beyond me. There will never again be a Christmas like the one I grew up with, and to be honest, while the Christmas Past of my childhood was good, it's time for all of us to move on. Things are different now. Mom and Dad have gotten a divorce, I have a boyfriend, and I'm more independent than I've ever been before.

When we were "doing" Christmas, I couldn't help but think that I am so glad I'm going to be in Japan at this time next year. While I know that it's not good for me, I want to run away far from here. Far from this empty hole of a town. And I think it would be good for both of my parents to do the same.

My rant is done for tonight. One of my goals for the upcoming year is to update my blog more frequently, and this time, about happy things too, I promise. After all, there's more to a "wedding" than drama alone.