And then there were eight.
Ok, so really seven, but I'm still counting my old conversation partner in there, who I haven't heard from this summer but I'm assuming he'll still be good for the upcoming year. That's not too bad, right? Say you see one a day, and then two on one day and then I'll be fine.
(As long as I keep saying that to myself.)
Not in a terribly great mood today. Sometimes all of this divorce shit just gets to me sometimes, and I don't want to deal with it anymore. But it's not a choice, it's just a fact of life. We all have to keep moving along, whether we want to or not. This time it's about money; but I guess it's always about money. College is expensive, and this year I'm having a hard time making sure that things fall into place. And it's not just tuition. There's books, clothes, and hanging out with friends occasionally. All of this costs money, even if you don't indulge.
But where can it come from? That's the million dollar question of these past few weeks, and nobody has an answer. At least the GI bill came through, that should help some, if everything is approved.
Whatever, everything will be ok; I just can't wait to get back to college so I can ignore this epic drama that's my parents divorce a little easier.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Geeked Out
Last night I couldn't sleep at all so I took some medicine to help me fall asleep. This morning I woke up at around 12:30. (New record for the summer!) Though I've found that if you sleep in really late, the day goes by faster, which is nice. That, and more things are happening in the evening too, which gives me more incentive to stay up late and sleep in.
Right now I have six conversation partners. Six. And right now I'm starting to think that's too many, that I'll want to kick myself later for signing up for this, but I just can't help it. Getting a new conversation partner is like meeting a new friend and improving your language skills at the same time. So cool, and I get so geeked out about it. Actually I want one more for Chinese. Just one more wouldn't hurt, right? Right?
Recently I've been getting geeked out about language learning in general. Today I found some really neat sites for learning, and I was so excited you'd think it was Christmas or something. And it basically was, except a lot cheaper. Now I can listen to Japanese podcasts! Not podcasts about learning Japanese, but real Japanese podcasts. That's just the coolest thing ever! And now I can watch Japanese TV, and all of this is for free! "Oh, happy day!"
Just talking about it I get so psyched and it's like I'm a geek at a Star Trek convention. But I'm just so glad that I'm excited about what I'm learning in school. My future seems so bright, I think that I'll be a great professor someday. That's my dream, and I know I can get there.
My river painting is coming along, but right now it's still in the boring stage. Maybe if I let loose with the paints I can get it to flow a little more. My next mode of attack is to darken the land masses so that the sky and the river stand out more in comparison. Will it work? Only time will tell...
Right now I have six conversation partners. Six. And right now I'm starting to think that's too many, that I'll want to kick myself later for signing up for this, but I just can't help it. Getting a new conversation partner is like meeting a new friend and improving your language skills at the same time. So cool, and I get so geeked out about it. Actually I want one more for Chinese. Just one more wouldn't hurt, right? Right?
Recently I've been getting geeked out about language learning in general. Today I found some really neat sites for learning, and I was so excited you'd think it was Christmas or something. And it basically was, except a lot cheaper. Now I can listen to Japanese podcasts! Not podcasts about learning Japanese, but real Japanese podcasts. That's just the coolest thing ever! And now I can watch Japanese TV, and all of this is for free! "Oh, happy day!"
Just talking about it I get so psyched and it's like I'm a geek at a Star Trek convention. But I'm just so glad that I'm excited about what I'm learning in school. My future seems so bright, I think that I'll be a great professor someday. That's my dream, and I know I can get there.
My river painting is coming along, but right now it's still in the boring stage. Maybe if I let loose with the paints I can get it to flow a little more. My next mode of attack is to darken the land masses so that the sky and the river stand out more in comparison. Will it work? Only time will tell...
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Silence Breaker
Since my last post it's been awhile; since my last post on my Japanese blog it's been more than awhile. Strange enough when you have all the free time in the world it doesn't necessarily lead to being productive. That is the general summary of my time here at home so far.
Every day I sleep in until ten or eleven. Get up to have some coffee, and then spend the rest of the day doing busy work on the computer or just doing nothing at all. Though I hated most of my time there, I am so glad that I spent the summer at Middlebury instead of rotting around this place. Only two more weeks and two days until I go back to school; if it were up to me I'd leave tomorrow.
There's a fresh piece of family drama in my family soap opera:
Because of my father's time in Germany, he has this GI bill from the government that allows forty percent of my education to be paid for if he only signs the benefits over to my brother and me. Only problem is is that he's been reluctant, if not all together unwilling to do so. Exactly why, I don't know, but with scars still wounding from the divorce it's put everyone in a sour mood when it comes to dealing with financial matters as important as this. See, the bill can also be used for personal things, such as advancing flight training. So my father also has the option to do that if he wishes, but you can't spit the bill. So we'll either have almost half of our education paid for my the government, or Dad will get to go to more flight school for free.
He hasn't been talking really to anyone recently, and everyone's worried about what he'll do. As for me, I'm not exactly worried. My father's the kind of person I think that wouldn't do that sort of thing in the end. Wouldn't leave his kids behind for free flight lessons. And even if he does, he'll be left with that decision haunting him for the rest of his life. My brother and I will survive one way or another, we always do.
But my brother is now talking about joining the military to pay for college instead of taking money from Dad. He's stubborn like that, willing to go to drastic measures in order to drive home a point.
Everything will be alright in the end, I'm convinced of that. But sometimes the waiting in between can be the worst of all.
Every day I sleep in until ten or eleven. Get up to have some coffee, and then spend the rest of the day doing busy work on the computer or just doing nothing at all. Though I hated most of my time there, I am so glad that I spent the summer at Middlebury instead of rotting around this place. Only two more weeks and two days until I go back to school; if it were up to me I'd leave tomorrow.
There's a fresh piece of family drama in my family soap opera:
Because of my father's time in Germany, he has this GI bill from the government that allows forty percent of my education to be paid for if he only signs the benefits over to my brother and me. Only problem is is that he's been reluctant, if not all together unwilling to do so. Exactly why, I don't know, but with scars still wounding from the divorce it's put everyone in a sour mood when it comes to dealing with financial matters as important as this. See, the bill can also be used for personal things, such as advancing flight training. So my father also has the option to do that if he wishes, but you can't spit the bill. So we'll either have almost half of our education paid for my the government, or Dad will get to go to more flight school for free.
He hasn't been talking really to anyone recently, and everyone's worried about what he'll do. As for me, I'm not exactly worried. My father's the kind of person I think that wouldn't do that sort of thing in the end. Wouldn't leave his kids behind for free flight lessons. And even if he does, he'll be left with that decision haunting him for the rest of his life. My brother and I will survive one way or another, we always do.
But my brother is now talking about joining the military to pay for college instead of taking money from Dad. He's stubborn like that, willing to go to drastic measures in order to drive home a point.
Everything will be alright in the end, I'm convinced of that. But sometimes the waiting in between can be the worst of all.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Home Again
Driving back took two days, it was horrible.
Yesterday after we drove from Middlebury to Erie, PA and stayed over at Uncle Paulie and Aunt Tracy's home. "Uncle Paulie" is a friend of my Dad's; a neurosurgeon originally from Midland, Michigan. When Dad was deployed to Germany a few years ago he worked with Paulie and the two became good friends. Paulie's an open sort of guy, hilarious with a "no bullshit" sort of air to him that makes him pleasant to be around. He and and his wife Tracy are like a tag team, bouncing off of each others energy, making our stay such a pleasant experience after being in a car for eight hours. They were lovely to see, such nice people; I wish I could have stayed longer.
Middlebury is done, and I'm home. And now I eat my words. Exactly why, I don't know, but a part of my heart misses Middlebury.
When I come back here, nobody speaks Japanese, and nobody cares if you do. This place is a bubble isolated away from time and away from the rest of the world, I don't know if I like it. Speaking Japanese is sort of like an embarassing hobby, people sort of smile and laugh at you when they hear you speak it, and are always asking for you "say something in Japanese." All of it almost sounds like a joke.
At least Ann Arbor will come again in three weeks. Somehow, I don't feel like I'm home quite yet.
Yesterday after we drove from Middlebury to Erie, PA and stayed over at Uncle Paulie and Aunt Tracy's home. "Uncle Paulie" is a friend of my Dad's; a neurosurgeon originally from Midland, Michigan. When Dad was deployed to Germany a few years ago he worked with Paulie and the two became good friends. Paulie's an open sort of guy, hilarious with a "no bullshit" sort of air to him that makes him pleasant to be around. He and and his wife Tracy are like a tag team, bouncing off of each others energy, making our stay such a pleasant experience after being in a car for eight hours. They were lovely to see, such nice people; I wish I could have stayed longer.
Middlebury is done, and I'm home. And now I eat my words. Exactly why, I don't know, but a part of my heart misses Middlebury.
When I come back here, nobody speaks Japanese, and nobody cares if you do. This place is a bubble isolated away from time and away from the rest of the world, I don't know if I like it. Speaking Japanese is sort of like an embarassing hobby, people sort of smile and laugh at you when they hear you speak it, and are always asking for you "say something in Japanese." All of it almost sounds like a joke.
At least Ann Arbor will come again in three weeks. Somehow, I don't feel like I'm home quite yet.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
The End
Tomorrow I go home.
Middlebury ended in a sort of whimper. First the final exam on Monday, then the final projects on Tuesday, the banquet on Wednesday, and the final class today. Things one by one disappeared until there was nobody and nothing left. Cronin and Brandon left today, they've probably gotten home by now. All of our teachers too have sort of vanished. Someday I hope to see everyone again.
My final thoughts of Middlebury are, overall, good. While I can't say that I enjoyed this experience, I know I took a lot from it. Maybe someday, a very long time from today, I'll come back here. Maybe.
But now, I'm going home, and what sucks is that it's going to take me two days to do it. Saturday night sounds like a long ways away, even though it's the day after tomorrow.
Middlebury ended in a sort of whimper. First the final exam on Monday, then the final projects on Tuesday, the banquet on Wednesday, and the final class today. Things one by one disappeared until there was nobody and nothing left. Cronin and Brandon left today, they've probably gotten home by now. All of our teachers too have sort of vanished. Someday I hope to see everyone again.
My final thoughts of Middlebury are, overall, good. While I can't say that I enjoyed this experience, I know I took a lot from it. Maybe someday, a very long time from today, I'll come back here. Maybe.
But now, I'm going home, and what sucks is that it's going to take me two days to do it. Saturday night sounds like a long ways away, even though it's the day after tomorrow.
Monday, August 10, 2009
The Last Hurdle
The Last Hurdle is a presentation on Pokemon. That's not the school's fault, I picked the topic; I thought it would be easy and fun to write on, and it was. Only now I have to memorize fives pages of material for a 15-minute presentation that takes place tomorrow morning. But I know I can do it; if I recall I did this exact same thing not a few months ago for my last Japanese class. Guess it can't be helped.
My final exam was today. Like the previous three, it was long, and hard, and didn't deviate much from what I expected. We started at 7:50 and ended at 11:20. Three and a half hours. Now I'm prone to bitch and moan in this blog, but that's ridiculous. Three and a half hours for a normal chapter test. What are they thinking? Do they really want to grade all of that? When you're taking it, after awhile time wears down on you and you start writing crap for your answers:
"No, I don't think that defining people in terms of social level is a good thing. Everyone lives by the same heart, the same body, the same air. When we die, our bodies all return to the same Earth. We're all human, and the rules that separate us socially were created just by other humans".
That sort of literary shit. Upon reading it I'm sure that it doesn't make sense in Japanese, but at that time and place, I really didn't care anymore, just wanted to continue, just wanted to finish. Actually I finished before several of my friends did, which scared me a little, before I was always the last person to finish, and now I'm at about average. Weird.
But now, on a Monday afternoon, I am so close. So close that I can feel it; I put all of my books in my suitcase today and it was the greatest feelings ever, I don't have to look at them ever again unless I want to. Just, amazing. All of my posters are off the wall, and tomorrow I can start slowly packing my clothes into trash bags to take home.
Just tomorrow morning, and I'm done.
My final exam was today. Like the previous three, it was long, and hard, and didn't deviate much from what I expected. We started at 7:50 and ended at 11:20. Three and a half hours. Now I'm prone to bitch and moan in this blog, but that's ridiculous. Three and a half hours for a normal chapter test. What are they thinking? Do they really want to grade all of that? When you're taking it, after awhile time wears down on you and you start writing crap for your answers:
"No, I don't think that defining people in terms of social level is a good thing. Everyone lives by the same heart, the same body, the same air. When we die, our bodies all return to the same Earth. We're all human, and the rules that separate us socially were created just by other humans".
That sort of literary shit. Upon reading it I'm sure that it doesn't make sense in Japanese, but at that time and place, I really didn't care anymore, just wanted to continue, just wanted to finish. Actually I finished before several of my friends did, which scared me a little, before I was always the last person to finish, and now I'm at about average. Weird.
But now, on a Monday afternoon, I am so close. So close that I can feel it; I put all of my books in my suitcase today and it was the greatest feelings ever, I don't have to look at them ever again unless I want to. Just, amazing. All of my posters are off the wall, and tomorrow I can start slowly packing my clothes into trash bags to take home.
Just tomorrow morning, and I'm done.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Percentage Wise
All I have left to do is a test and a presentation. And then I'm done. Done forever and I never have to come back.
As for the test, it'll come and go, and that'll be the end of it. Sure I can study for it, but there's only so much you can do. Read the reading material, again, look over the grammar, and try and memorize vocabulary for the oral test. That's all. Anything else it out of your hands. Whenever I lose points on a test, it's usually not because of not knwoing the material, but of a general sense of sloppiness, which I don' think can be helped. Small mistakes like that slowly get better with time, but for the moment I'm stuck. That, and there's not much that I can do to change my average; it'll either get a little bit better or a little bit worse. Right now it's an 88.5, which isn't flat out horrible, just a little bad. Problem is is that "little bad" makes up 60% of my overall grade. Just now I tapped it out on the calculator, i'm about at a 88%. Even if I got a 100% on the next test, it would change my average to a whopping 91%.
College is awesome like that.
As for the test, it'll come and go, and that'll be the end of it. Sure I can study for it, but there's only so much you can do. Read the reading material, again, look over the grammar, and try and memorize vocabulary for the oral test. That's all. Anything else it out of your hands. Whenever I lose points on a test, it's usually not because of not knwoing the material, but of a general sense of sloppiness, which I don' think can be helped. Small mistakes like that slowly get better with time, but for the moment I'm stuck. That, and there's not much that I can do to change my average; it'll either get a little bit better or a little bit worse. Right now it's an 88.5, which isn't flat out horrible, just a little bad. Problem is is that "little bad" makes up 60% of my overall grade. Just now I tapped it out on the calculator, i'm about at a 88%. Even if I got a 100% on the next test, it would change my average to a whopping 91%.
College is awesome like that.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Various Points
As much as I've complained about this experience, as much as longingly looked at the calendar and wondered how many more days I can make it here, I think I'm going to miss Middlebury. Not enough to make me come back, but enough to look back on this place with some fondness.
Something is special here, something different. Maybe it's the location; rolling hills bordered by low green mountains. Sunlight shafting sparkling through the branches of trees. There's not much out here, and while that makes for one shitty social life, there are, I have to admit, some advantages. Even now, almost midnight, the only thing I hear outside of my window is the wind sifting through the leaves. No obnoxious music. No howls and screams of drunken freshman. Just cool wind and starlight, like none I've ever seen before.
This weekend, I want to just sit outside in the shade and take it all in. Sometimes I wish I'd done that here earlier, but the weather has been less than desirable up until just recently. All of my friends want to go to Snake Mountain, wherever that is, tomorrow. For some reason I don't really want to go. Not because it doesn't seem like it would be nice, I'm sure that it would. Right now, I'd rather be left alone right now.
For our last discussion today in class, we talked about our dream life. Mine wasn't a whole lot different than it is now. That's easy for me to say, since my parents help me out financially in several aspects of life, but my own realization suprised me a little. What I need to be happy I don't think is very much. A few close friends, doing a job that I love that gives back to the world, and some free time to pursue hobbies. While I want to be in love with someone someday, if that never happens, everything will be ok. Whatever happens, I need to be happy enough with my life to not be in want of anything else.
Later tonight I sat with Prof. Naito at dinner. Sometimes it amazes me how people's personalities just attract you. You can feel warmth spilling out over their words and glances; just being there with them makes you content with the moment. Our conversation wasn't anything monumental, small talk really, but I remember looking at the clock on the wall, wishing that I had more time. Maybe someday I'll be able to be a person like that, that people want to be around. But the odd thing is that at the beginning, my first impression of her was drastically different. She seemed strict to me, not what anyone would call a "soft hearted". Whatever it was based on, my impression was very wrong. Middlebury ends soon, but I hope that someday I can meet up with her again.
Forever goodbye's dont suit me, even though I may have typed something in contrast earlier.
Something is special here, something different. Maybe it's the location; rolling hills bordered by low green mountains. Sunlight shafting sparkling through the branches of trees. There's not much out here, and while that makes for one shitty social life, there are, I have to admit, some advantages. Even now, almost midnight, the only thing I hear outside of my window is the wind sifting through the leaves. No obnoxious music. No howls and screams of drunken freshman. Just cool wind and starlight, like none I've ever seen before.
This weekend, I want to just sit outside in the shade and take it all in. Sometimes I wish I'd done that here earlier, but the weather has been less than desirable up until just recently. All of my friends want to go to Snake Mountain, wherever that is, tomorrow. For some reason I don't really want to go. Not because it doesn't seem like it would be nice, I'm sure that it would. Right now, I'd rather be left alone right now.
For our last discussion today in class, we talked about our dream life. Mine wasn't a whole lot different than it is now. That's easy for me to say, since my parents help me out financially in several aspects of life, but my own realization suprised me a little. What I need to be happy I don't think is very much. A few close friends, doing a job that I love that gives back to the world, and some free time to pursue hobbies. While I want to be in love with someone someday, if that never happens, everything will be ok. Whatever happens, I need to be happy enough with my life to not be in want of anything else.
Later tonight I sat with Prof. Naito at dinner. Sometimes it amazes me how people's personalities just attract you. You can feel warmth spilling out over their words and glances; just being there with them makes you content with the moment. Our conversation wasn't anything monumental, small talk really, but I remember looking at the clock on the wall, wishing that I had more time. Maybe someday I'll be able to be a person like that, that people want to be around. But the odd thing is that at the beginning, my first impression of her was drastically different. She seemed strict to me, not what anyone would call a "soft hearted". Whatever it was based on, my impression was very wrong. Middlebury ends soon, but I hope that someday I can meet up with her again.
Forever goodbye's dont suit me, even though I may have typed something in contrast earlier.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Bad Japanese Day
Today was, as we call in the business, a "Bad Japanese Day". All day yesterday was spent correcting my five-page paper that I neglected to read the comic we covered in class today. Apparently, so did everyone else, so at least I wasn't alone in the aspect. Spouting BS is all well and good but generally you need a basis to start from, I had absolutely nothing, and was watching the clock, praying that I wouldn't be called on. Now I'm so far behind on the reading I'm not sure if I should spend the afternoon trying to catch up or screw it and go see a movie with everyone else. With only a few days left I think I have an obligation to stick it out and study, though it seems I have this mental attitude that Middlebury is finished.
What am I going to do with myself when I finally get home? Sleep I guess, and gain back any weight I've lost before college. Such is life; though I'm glad to have a break before I start in again. Going from Middlebury to UM would be depressing, out of the pan and into the fire. But if you look at my schedule, it's pretty tame.
Time for a capella group, which I've skipped in and out of the entire time here. This is the last time though, so I figure it'd be fun.
What am I going to do with myself when I finally get home? Sleep I guess, and gain back any weight I've lost before college. Such is life; though I'm glad to have a break before I start in again. Going from Middlebury to UM would be depressing, out of the pan and into the fire. But if you look at my schedule, it's pretty tame.
Time for a capella group, which I've skipped in and out of the entire time here. This is the last time though, so I figure it'd be fun.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
All-Nighter
Today's Tuesday, and things have calmed down considerably from before. Every day the space on the calendar between now and next Wednesday gets shorter and shorter. Finally, the end is it sight. Even now I feel like writing concluding remarks about my experience here, but I know it's too early for that; it's not over yet.
On Sunday for the first time in my life I stayed up all night writing a paper, it was a horrible experience, but at least I got it finished, and I can relax a little more than I could have before. Actually I guess I can't say that I stayed up all night, I fell asleep at 5 and work up at 7, so it's not completely legit. Watching the sunrise was neat though. I'm convinced that sunrises and sunsets don't look the same. Watching the stars diminish as the sky brightens from deep blue to a sort of green was something I don't think I've ever really seem before. That, and the sky here in Vermont seems brighter, more open. When the weather is nice, it's a really idyillic place. That's *if* the weather is nice, which for the majority of my stay here it hasn't been.
Throughout the next day I was so tired that I wasn't able to do as well in class as I had wanted to. Recently my daily quiz scores have dropped, slightly, but I figure my average is strong enough to hold me out until the end. All I can hope for is an A-, but I think that's possible, at any rate, it's too late to change anything now.
All I'm doing tonight is correcting my paper, and then going to bed. As for the reading homework I was supposed to do, that can wait till morning, I seem to be more productive then anyhow.
On Sunday for the first time in my life I stayed up all night writing a paper, it was a horrible experience, but at least I got it finished, and I can relax a little more than I could have before. Actually I guess I can't say that I stayed up all night, I fell asleep at 5 and work up at 7, so it's not completely legit. Watching the sunrise was neat though. I'm convinced that sunrises and sunsets don't look the same. Watching the stars diminish as the sky brightens from deep blue to a sort of green was something I don't think I've ever really seem before. That, and the sky here in Vermont seems brighter, more open. When the weather is nice, it's a really idyillic place. That's *if* the weather is nice, which for the majority of my stay here it hasn't been.
Throughout the next day I was so tired that I wasn't able to do as well in class as I had wanted to. Recently my daily quiz scores have dropped, slightly, but I figure my average is strong enough to hold me out until the end. All I can hope for is an A-, but I think that's possible, at any rate, it's too late to change anything now.
All I'm doing tonight is correcting my paper, and then going to bed. As for the reading homework I was supposed to do, that can wait till morning, I seem to be more productive then anyhow.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
"T-Minus 10"
Thursday, Friday, and most of today was spent on "Gakugeikai", sort of a talent show and school play wrapped into one. As for me, I had the class skit, rakugo, and a theater club preformance to prepare for. You could say that I was a little pissed not to have time for anything else, especially doing a thorough job with class and homework. All of it went well, at least I think it did. And If I ever get access to the movies they took, they'll go up on my YouTube. Stay tuned.
As a finale all of the professors preformed a short version of "The Sound of Music" with Middlebury Japanese lyrics. Although I've done nothing but bitch and whine about this place, I was really touched. Within the lyrics here and there were little jokes about the program, the campus, the teachers . So many small but powerful memories in just a few short months; I guess that's what you expect from a program like this. And finially, at the end, a Sayonara. Sayonara, is a sort of a "forever goodbye". And that's true. All of the teachers here, all of my friends, after the programs done, chances are that I'll never see them again.
But I guess that doesn't have to be a sad thing. Life's like that. People come across your path, and make an impact, however small, on your heart. Say that impact was strong enough to make an impression, you'll carry a part of them with you for the rest of your life, and maybe even pass it on to others. So I guess in that aspect, it's not really a forever goodbye.
T-Minus 10 Days. Now the real work begins. Tomorrow I spend all day writing a report on Pokemon, and then write a script to memorize for next week.
As a finale all of the professors preformed a short version of "The Sound of Music" with Middlebury Japanese lyrics. Although I've done nothing but bitch and whine about this place, I was really touched. Within the lyrics here and there were little jokes about the program, the campus, the teachers . So many small but powerful memories in just a few short months; I guess that's what you expect from a program like this. And finially, at the end, a Sayonara. Sayonara, is a sort of a "forever goodbye". And that's true. All of the teachers here, all of my friends, after the programs done, chances are that I'll never see them again.
But I guess that doesn't have to be a sad thing. Life's like that. People come across your path, and make an impact, however small, on your heart. Say that impact was strong enough to make an impression, you'll carry a part of them with you for the rest of your life, and maybe even pass it on to others. So I guess in that aspect, it's not really a forever goodbye.
T-Minus 10 Days. Now the real work begins. Tomorrow I spend all day writing a report on Pokemon, and then write a script to memorize for next week.
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