Originally I had wanted to keep my English blog and my Japanese blog even, so I would refrain from writing in here. Apparently though the days where I want to write a Japanese entry are few and far between, so i though that to just stick to this one regularly might be better after all.
Since I wrote last a lot of things have happened, but I'm not going to take the time to record them all. Almost a month has passed since school started. Since then I've changed my schedule around more than once, and today I was thinking about doing it again before the add drop deadline passed, but that's probably not a good idea.
Up until now I've had a a bad day, or at least I don't feel good about the day that I've had. Maybe tonight will be better. At 5:00 I'm going to see a conversation partner, and then hang out with a friend. But I don't want to bring my sour attitude with me... Should I take a nap to try and brush it off? Maybe play some music? That's probably a good idea, though I have to get these questions done for Antro/Bio done tonight so that I'm free tomorrow to go and watch a movie.
Japanese depressed me today. We went over a video and apparently we were supposed to fill out the accompanying worksheet before class, so I had no answers to give in terms of discussion. One of my friends from Middlebury sat next to me, and I saw all of his answers neatly written out, while his homework was largely free of red ink.
Maybe I can write about how the evening went later.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Going Back
When I compare my Japanese and my English blog, I realize that I've neglected my English blog a little bit. Since the time I've last posted, I've moved to college, passed my placement exam for Japanese, changed classes more than once, and got an opportunity to do tutoring for my old Japanese class. Things that are all really important to me.
Today's a Saturday. Game day for Michigan. We're going against Notre Dame. Sadly I couldn't care less; instead of going I met up with one of my conversation partners. This is the first girl I've ever had, and it's a really nice change of pace. She was so sweet, a pleasure to talk to really. Guys are great, don't get me wrong, but I'm afraid that before long I'll start to learn Japanese that isn't very, for lack of better words, girly. And even more so than in English, playing your part is important when speaking Japanese I think.
When I was organizing the files on my computer, I found my old poem that I wrote for last year's Children's Literature class. Someday I'm afraid I'm going to accidentally delete it or something, so I'm going to put it here for safe keeping. Looking at it now, it's not that good, but maybe it'll be nostalgic to look at it later.
Going Back
You children of the coming year
And untold, future day
Please listen closely to these words
And what I have to say
There was a time, not long ago
When I was just like you
But now I have just memories
Of things I used to do
There was this kind of magic
And it laced all that I saw
The Earth remained a beauty
And her features had no flaw
Her forest was my temple
With it's turrets arching high
Green leaves, so much like little bells
Would ring and sweep the sky
The sky was like an ocean
With a deep and virgin hue
Great clouds, like ships, would sail along
And race across it's blue
But colors now are fading
And my world's in shades of gray
And I've been wearing blinders
That restrict my sight today
Blinders that perhaps now shade
The things that I could see
Might lead me onward to the path
That matters most to me
Some animals would talk to me
And take food from my hand
They'd whisper in a language
Only I could understand
But now they are afraid of me
And speak to me no more
Time, I think, has known I've aged
And closed that magic door
My father was a noble king
My mother was a queen
My brother was a haughty duke
Both petulant and mean
But the king and queen are now divorced
They're faulted, and I see
The duke, who I had used to loath
Is now a friend to me
My family has changed with time
To strangers I don't know
The masks they wear hide faces still
They they have yet to show
With every year they're dying
And it pains me when I know
The place to which they're leaving to
Is somewhere I can't go
We travel by a place but once
Before life moves us on
To unknown journeys, grand and new
Until our time is gone
Remember every storybook
And fable, false or true
Remember every fairytale
And what it means to you
Come listen to the unheard songs
The whispers of the trees
And harmonize to melodies
That float along the breeze
Go taste the crimson morning sun
And smell the pallor moon
For these are kinds of memories
That leave you all too soon
We as adults cant do these things
With age there comes a cost
It's only when we're older
We can see all that we've lost
But memories are all they are
Just shadows of the past
And now I've come to understand
That nothing good can last
Your childhood is but a dream
From which, someday, you'll wake
And sometime soon you'll have to choose
The path you wish to take
At times I've tried to search for it
This heart that I now lack
But I've grown up and now I know
I'm never, Going Back.
Today's a Saturday. Game day for Michigan. We're going against Notre Dame. Sadly I couldn't care less; instead of going I met up with one of my conversation partners. This is the first girl I've ever had, and it's a really nice change of pace. She was so sweet, a pleasure to talk to really. Guys are great, don't get me wrong, but I'm afraid that before long I'll start to learn Japanese that isn't very, for lack of better words, girly. And even more so than in English, playing your part is important when speaking Japanese I think.
When I was organizing the files on my computer, I found my old poem that I wrote for last year's Children's Literature class. Someday I'm afraid I'm going to accidentally delete it or something, so I'm going to put it here for safe keeping. Looking at it now, it's not that good, but maybe it'll be nostalgic to look at it later.
Going Back
You children of the coming year
And untold, future day
Please listen closely to these words
And what I have to say
There was a time, not long ago
When I was just like you
But now I have just memories
Of things I used to do
There was this kind of magic
And it laced all that I saw
The Earth remained a beauty
And her features had no flaw
Her forest was my temple
With it's turrets arching high
Green leaves, so much like little bells
Would ring and sweep the sky
The sky was like an ocean
With a deep and virgin hue
Great clouds, like ships, would sail along
And race across it's blue
But colors now are fading
And my world's in shades of gray
And I've been wearing blinders
That restrict my sight today
Blinders that perhaps now shade
The things that I could see
Might lead me onward to the path
That matters most to me
Some animals would talk to me
And take food from my hand
They'd whisper in a language
Only I could understand
But now they are afraid of me
And speak to me no more
Time, I think, has known I've aged
And closed that magic door
My father was a noble king
My mother was a queen
My brother was a haughty duke
Both petulant and mean
But the king and queen are now divorced
They're faulted, and I see
The duke, who I had used to loath
Is now a friend to me
My family has changed with time
To strangers I don't know
The masks they wear hide faces still
They they have yet to show
With every year they're dying
And it pains me when I know
The place to which they're leaving to
Is somewhere I can't go
We travel by a place but once
Before life moves us on
To unknown journeys, grand and new
Until our time is gone
Remember every storybook
And fable, false or true
Remember every fairytale
And what it means to you
Come listen to the unheard songs
The whispers of the trees
And harmonize to melodies
That float along the breeze
Go taste the crimson morning sun
And smell the pallor moon
For these are kinds of memories
That leave you all too soon
We as adults cant do these things
With age there comes a cost
It's only when we're older
We can see all that we've lost
But memories are all they are
Just shadows of the past
And now I've come to understand
That nothing good can last
Your childhood is but a dream
From which, someday, you'll wake
And sometime soon you'll have to choose
The path you wish to take
At times I've tried to search for it
This heart that I now lack
But I've grown up and now I know
I'm never, Going Back.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
We're In The Money
And then there were eight.
Ok, so really seven, but I'm still counting my old conversation partner in there, who I haven't heard from this summer but I'm assuming he'll still be good for the upcoming year. That's not too bad, right? Say you see one a day, and then two on one day and then I'll be fine.
(As long as I keep saying that to myself.)
Not in a terribly great mood today. Sometimes all of this divorce shit just gets to me sometimes, and I don't want to deal with it anymore. But it's not a choice, it's just a fact of life. We all have to keep moving along, whether we want to or not. This time it's about money; but I guess it's always about money. College is expensive, and this year I'm having a hard time making sure that things fall into place. And it's not just tuition. There's books, clothes, and hanging out with friends occasionally. All of this costs money, even if you don't indulge.
But where can it come from? That's the million dollar question of these past few weeks, and nobody has an answer. At least the GI bill came through, that should help some, if everything is approved.
Whatever, everything will be ok; I just can't wait to get back to college so I can ignore this epic drama that's my parents divorce a little easier.
Ok, so really seven, but I'm still counting my old conversation partner in there, who I haven't heard from this summer but I'm assuming he'll still be good for the upcoming year. That's not too bad, right? Say you see one a day, and then two on one day and then I'll be fine.
(As long as I keep saying that to myself.)
Not in a terribly great mood today. Sometimes all of this divorce shit just gets to me sometimes, and I don't want to deal with it anymore. But it's not a choice, it's just a fact of life. We all have to keep moving along, whether we want to or not. This time it's about money; but I guess it's always about money. College is expensive, and this year I'm having a hard time making sure that things fall into place. And it's not just tuition. There's books, clothes, and hanging out with friends occasionally. All of this costs money, even if you don't indulge.
But where can it come from? That's the million dollar question of these past few weeks, and nobody has an answer. At least the GI bill came through, that should help some, if everything is approved.
Whatever, everything will be ok; I just can't wait to get back to college so I can ignore this epic drama that's my parents divorce a little easier.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Geeked Out
Last night I couldn't sleep at all so I took some medicine to help me fall asleep. This morning I woke up at around 12:30. (New record for the summer!) Though I've found that if you sleep in really late, the day goes by faster, which is nice. That, and more things are happening in the evening too, which gives me more incentive to stay up late and sleep in.
Right now I have six conversation partners. Six. And right now I'm starting to think that's too many, that I'll want to kick myself later for signing up for this, but I just can't help it. Getting a new conversation partner is like meeting a new friend and improving your language skills at the same time. So cool, and I get so geeked out about it. Actually I want one more for Chinese. Just one more wouldn't hurt, right? Right?
Recently I've been getting geeked out about language learning in general. Today I found some really neat sites for learning, and I was so excited you'd think it was Christmas or something. And it basically was, except a lot cheaper. Now I can listen to Japanese podcasts! Not podcasts about learning Japanese, but real Japanese podcasts. That's just the coolest thing ever! And now I can watch Japanese TV, and all of this is for free! "Oh, happy day!"
Just talking about it I get so psyched and it's like I'm a geek at a Star Trek convention. But I'm just so glad that I'm excited about what I'm learning in school. My future seems so bright, I think that I'll be a great professor someday. That's my dream, and I know I can get there.
My river painting is coming along, but right now it's still in the boring stage. Maybe if I let loose with the paints I can get it to flow a little more. My next mode of attack is to darken the land masses so that the sky and the river stand out more in comparison. Will it work? Only time will tell...
Right now I have six conversation partners. Six. And right now I'm starting to think that's too many, that I'll want to kick myself later for signing up for this, but I just can't help it. Getting a new conversation partner is like meeting a new friend and improving your language skills at the same time. So cool, and I get so geeked out about it. Actually I want one more for Chinese. Just one more wouldn't hurt, right? Right?
Recently I've been getting geeked out about language learning in general. Today I found some really neat sites for learning, and I was so excited you'd think it was Christmas or something. And it basically was, except a lot cheaper. Now I can listen to Japanese podcasts! Not podcasts about learning Japanese, but real Japanese podcasts. That's just the coolest thing ever! And now I can watch Japanese TV, and all of this is for free! "Oh, happy day!"
Just talking about it I get so psyched and it's like I'm a geek at a Star Trek convention. But I'm just so glad that I'm excited about what I'm learning in school. My future seems so bright, I think that I'll be a great professor someday. That's my dream, and I know I can get there.
My river painting is coming along, but right now it's still in the boring stage. Maybe if I let loose with the paints I can get it to flow a little more. My next mode of attack is to darken the land masses so that the sky and the river stand out more in comparison. Will it work? Only time will tell...
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Silence Breaker
Since my last post it's been awhile; since my last post on my Japanese blog it's been more than awhile. Strange enough when you have all the free time in the world it doesn't necessarily lead to being productive. That is the general summary of my time here at home so far.
Every day I sleep in until ten or eleven. Get up to have some coffee, and then spend the rest of the day doing busy work on the computer or just doing nothing at all. Though I hated most of my time there, I am so glad that I spent the summer at Middlebury instead of rotting around this place. Only two more weeks and two days until I go back to school; if it were up to me I'd leave tomorrow.
There's a fresh piece of family drama in my family soap opera:
Because of my father's time in Germany, he has this GI bill from the government that allows forty percent of my education to be paid for if he only signs the benefits over to my brother and me. Only problem is is that he's been reluctant, if not all together unwilling to do so. Exactly why, I don't know, but with scars still wounding from the divorce it's put everyone in a sour mood when it comes to dealing with financial matters as important as this. See, the bill can also be used for personal things, such as advancing flight training. So my father also has the option to do that if he wishes, but you can't spit the bill. So we'll either have almost half of our education paid for my the government, or Dad will get to go to more flight school for free.
He hasn't been talking really to anyone recently, and everyone's worried about what he'll do. As for me, I'm not exactly worried. My father's the kind of person I think that wouldn't do that sort of thing in the end. Wouldn't leave his kids behind for free flight lessons. And even if he does, he'll be left with that decision haunting him for the rest of his life. My brother and I will survive one way or another, we always do.
But my brother is now talking about joining the military to pay for college instead of taking money from Dad. He's stubborn like that, willing to go to drastic measures in order to drive home a point.
Everything will be alright in the end, I'm convinced of that. But sometimes the waiting in between can be the worst of all.
Every day I sleep in until ten or eleven. Get up to have some coffee, and then spend the rest of the day doing busy work on the computer or just doing nothing at all. Though I hated most of my time there, I am so glad that I spent the summer at Middlebury instead of rotting around this place. Only two more weeks and two days until I go back to school; if it were up to me I'd leave tomorrow.
There's a fresh piece of family drama in my family soap opera:
Because of my father's time in Germany, he has this GI bill from the government that allows forty percent of my education to be paid for if he only signs the benefits over to my brother and me. Only problem is is that he's been reluctant, if not all together unwilling to do so. Exactly why, I don't know, but with scars still wounding from the divorce it's put everyone in a sour mood when it comes to dealing with financial matters as important as this. See, the bill can also be used for personal things, such as advancing flight training. So my father also has the option to do that if he wishes, but you can't spit the bill. So we'll either have almost half of our education paid for my the government, or Dad will get to go to more flight school for free.
He hasn't been talking really to anyone recently, and everyone's worried about what he'll do. As for me, I'm not exactly worried. My father's the kind of person I think that wouldn't do that sort of thing in the end. Wouldn't leave his kids behind for free flight lessons. And even if he does, he'll be left with that decision haunting him for the rest of his life. My brother and I will survive one way or another, we always do.
But my brother is now talking about joining the military to pay for college instead of taking money from Dad. He's stubborn like that, willing to go to drastic measures in order to drive home a point.
Everything will be alright in the end, I'm convinced of that. But sometimes the waiting in between can be the worst of all.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Home Again
Driving back took two days, it was horrible.
Yesterday after we drove from Middlebury to Erie, PA and stayed over at Uncle Paulie and Aunt Tracy's home. "Uncle Paulie" is a friend of my Dad's; a neurosurgeon originally from Midland, Michigan. When Dad was deployed to Germany a few years ago he worked with Paulie and the two became good friends. Paulie's an open sort of guy, hilarious with a "no bullshit" sort of air to him that makes him pleasant to be around. He and and his wife Tracy are like a tag team, bouncing off of each others energy, making our stay such a pleasant experience after being in a car for eight hours. They were lovely to see, such nice people; I wish I could have stayed longer.
Middlebury is done, and I'm home. And now I eat my words. Exactly why, I don't know, but a part of my heart misses Middlebury.
When I come back here, nobody speaks Japanese, and nobody cares if you do. This place is a bubble isolated away from time and away from the rest of the world, I don't know if I like it. Speaking Japanese is sort of like an embarassing hobby, people sort of smile and laugh at you when they hear you speak it, and are always asking for you "say something in Japanese." All of it almost sounds like a joke.
At least Ann Arbor will come again in three weeks. Somehow, I don't feel like I'm home quite yet.
Yesterday after we drove from Middlebury to Erie, PA and stayed over at Uncle Paulie and Aunt Tracy's home. "Uncle Paulie" is a friend of my Dad's; a neurosurgeon originally from Midland, Michigan. When Dad was deployed to Germany a few years ago he worked with Paulie and the two became good friends. Paulie's an open sort of guy, hilarious with a "no bullshit" sort of air to him that makes him pleasant to be around. He and and his wife Tracy are like a tag team, bouncing off of each others energy, making our stay such a pleasant experience after being in a car for eight hours. They were lovely to see, such nice people; I wish I could have stayed longer.
Middlebury is done, and I'm home. And now I eat my words. Exactly why, I don't know, but a part of my heart misses Middlebury.
When I come back here, nobody speaks Japanese, and nobody cares if you do. This place is a bubble isolated away from time and away from the rest of the world, I don't know if I like it. Speaking Japanese is sort of like an embarassing hobby, people sort of smile and laugh at you when they hear you speak it, and are always asking for you "say something in Japanese." All of it almost sounds like a joke.
At least Ann Arbor will come again in three weeks. Somehow, I don't feel like I'm home quite yet.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
The End
Tomorrow I go home.
Middlebury ended in a sort of whimper. First the final exam on Monday, then the final projects on Tuesday, the banquet on Wednesday, and the final class today. Things one by one disappeared until there was nobody and nothing left. Cronin and Brandon left today, they've probably gotten home by now. All of our teachers too have sort of vanished. Someday I hope to see everyone again.
My final thoughts of Middlebury are, overall, good. While I can't say that I enjoyed this experience, I know I took a lot from it. Maybe someday, a very long time from today, I'll come back here. Maybe.
But now, I'm going home, and what sucks is that it's going to take me two days to do it. Saturday night sounds like a long ways away, even though it's the day after tomorrow.
Middlebury ended in a sort of whimper. First the final exam on Monday, then the final projects on Tuesday, the banquet on Wednesday, and the final class today. Things one by one disappeared until there was nobody and nothing left. Cronin and Brandon left today, they've probably gotten home by now. All of our teachers too have sort of vanished. Someday I hope to see everyone again.
My final thoughts of Middlebury are, overall, good. While I can't say that I enjoyed this experience, I know I took a lot from it. Maybe someday, a very long time from today, I'll come back here. Maybe.
But now, I'm going home, and what sucks is that it's going to take me two days to do it. Saturday night sounds like a long ways away, even though it's the day after tomorrow.
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