Facebook Message

Today I talked to a friend today on Skype, and later wrote a message on Facebook, explaining some of my feelings towards by studies, and the ongoing "Japanese Competition" that continually took place last semester. Some of the stuff that I wrote down I ended up liking, and I wanted to post something for today, so here goes:

Hey,

Thanks for the message, I really do appreciate it, especially being honest about things. People I think really don't do that enough, and I hate having to wade through the insinuations to figure out what people really mean.

Concerning Japanese. For me, it's a tough situation, because, like you said, it's a competition, and last year, that fight I think is what kept me motivated to study as hard as I did. Deep down, I really wanted to be good, wanted to be able to gloat a little bit and get praise for my efforts, as selfish as that sounds. As you know, my main competitor was Brandon, and since he was always just a little bit better than me, it well, lit a fire under my ass I guess you could say. My goal was to beat him, I don't know why, but it was. That, and I think that since I gave up the medical track to take that class, I think I also wanted to show my family that it was something I was good at.

Middlebury has changed my perspective I think. You come here, and you realize that no matter how good you think you are, there is always, always someone that's better. Last year, I may have been a big fish in a small pond but here, honestly, I'm nothing special at all. People sometimes marvel at the fact that I started Japanese less than a year ago, but at the end of the day, it's not the "wow" factor, but how talented you are. During these last few weeks I know I've come to realize that, but I don't think it really bothers me any more.

Out of habit and enjoyment I still study aggressively, because Japanese is important to me, but I think the competition is over, especially if I get into fourth year, in which I know I'll probably be the worst in the class.

Anyway, in terms of studying abroad, all we can do is apply for the programs that we want, and leave the rest up to fate I guess you could say. As for me, (I think) I'm going to apply for Tokyo and maybe Seoul and whatever happens, happens and I'll accept it, I'll go, and it'll be a great experience, wherever I'm at. After all, maybe it's not so much the place, but what you make of it. You're out in the boonies right now, but you've made the effort to see almost all of Japan, I think that's amazing.

That, and we don't know what the teachers are looking for in students. Maybe GPA is more important that Japanese language skills. That being the case, you're in a much better position than others, who might not be able to go to Tokyo or Kyoto just because they screwed over thier GPA first semester.

Sorry I sent you a novel of a message, I think I wanted a study break... Anyway, like you said, I know we'll all be fine, I think sometimes that Japanese issues is my gossip, I love to speculate and talk about it. Hope your presentation went well today!

Talk to you later,

Lauren

Tomorrow I have Japanese test number three, it's going to be horrible, not because I don't think I know the material, but because it's over three hours long. At least there's only one more left.

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